Sometimes I run, sometimes I write...

It's safe to say, I've neglected this site. What's sadder though, is that it translates to neglecting art which in turn means I've neglected my soul. Which is only partly true. Well, ok, more than half true. We get so caught up in our responsibilities of our jobs, we neglect our truest passions. But still that couldn't be further from the truth. I am still able to create in my mind. Create with thoughts, words and executions. The learning and creating never stops.  I may not draw as much, save for an etsy order here and there. I may not shoot as much, this one the saddest truth of them all but it can still be justified... Maybe.

I have, however, started writing again. When I say I write, I write poetry. Those poetic sentences which when carried by a melody became songs I wrote for my old band. To anyone who's wondered about THAT band...

It ended because it became an obligation. The love for it was no longer there. Words no longer served as a vehicle carrying its message over a sea of sound. They were merely fillers to a cavity. They held no meaning for me, which would mean singing them would be lacklustre. And having a body of work you're not proud of just leaves you with this gnawing feeling that just eats away at you. I let it die. We let it die. The countless hours of work we put into recording that album. It still exists. Somewhere.

Then there was the thought of changing this name altogether. Hello embrace. I have to say though, mad life changes have happened in recent months. I felt I didn't want to be warm and fuzzy and love encompassing like a "hello embrace", I wanted to be crude and evaporatingly sexual(heh. I know right?), like my alter ego that existed in my mind. But after the dust of the madness of drinking every night and serial Tinder swiping and conversations with strangers, settled. I found myself back to where I started. Except it's not exactly a bad thing. It was a reminder of who I truly was at my core. That I was still this person who centers herself around love and lets love be her reason for being. So the name stays.

Girlfriends are forever.

Two weeks have gone by, I've been settling into my new job. My co-workers/bosses are a fun duo that it's hardly dull. Time seems to pass by even quicker now.

Just got news that Marni will be leaving in two weeks. Too soon in my opinion. How do you try to cram quality time into those days before someone leaves you to go far away? I get attached to people as much as I get attached to inanimate objects, I will always feel a loss. And it's not like Sweden is across the border, that every weekend would be a little adventure. Okay, I am tremendously affected by this. We knew it was going to happen sooner or later, just that I didn't expect it to be in two weeks!

It's hard to put into words how despondent I feel, but just cos eventually we will all go our separate ways and live separate lives and for some, especially at the rate we're going, live further and further away that it would seem as if I am being left behind. Selfish, I know. With the closest people I grew up with from school also having moved overseas years ago, its not unusual for me to feel some kind of anxiety. Sure, I have lots of friends, but how could you ever find a group so tightly knit ever again. I'm pretty sure I will look back on this many years from now and laugh at the insecurities I am feeling this very moment. Just that for now, indulge me.

"We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, 

we take a little of each other everywhere." - Tim McGraw

Viva la GFC.